To my best friend, my ex-boyfriend, and my road dawg:Your uncanny ability to "say too much" always leads to a heartache that you regret. From what I have learned, common wisdom says to "speak little and listen much."
You spend more time than you wish to admit talking down about others... including folks you've never met. Please tell me how you know that the woman standing on the corner must be a whore who cheats on her husband? Your unfounded judgments know no bounds, and your negative outlook isn't erased by your monthly statements that 'I'm a very positive person of faith.'
I find it increasingly difficult to enjoy my time around you, because your criticisms - about me and others - come more and more frequently. I find it difficult to deal with your negativity - much of which stems from personal issues that you choose to project onto others. I am the closest, so I receive the most fire.
You have a strong negative opinion about the people who don't like your demeanor. You claim 'they don't know you.' You dismiss their opinions as hogwash. Do you not realize that karma is knocking at your front door?
You are responsible for the aftermath of placing your mouth on the lives of others. When you talk at the rate of a teenage girl, you will eventually - almost always - encounter folks who tire of the over-the-top dialog.
More importantly, if you trespass on my property and get shot in the process - I won't apologize if you bleed to death on my lawn.
As the saying goes: Shouldn'ta-been-talkin'-shit.
Today we sat in a restaurant and I listened to you diss my mother about her relationship with her sisters. You went on and on, while my brain tried to compute: "Where did he earn the right to speak on such a thing?"I took about 8 seconds of your time to ask the question, "So why is it that you don't ever call your own sister?" And yes, I added the footnote: "So shut the F*CK up."
You went off like a rocket about disrespect and the rights I don't have to talk about your family. You missed the priceless lesson that your dumb ass was doing the same thing.
I know you'll read this post. And I don't really care that you're offended. Clean-up your own shyt, and you'd be amazed at how little you have to say in criticism and judgment of others.
My advice for your usual critical and judgmental behavior remains the same:
"Shut the f*ck up. Smell your own shyt. You're on my property and I have a gun. TRESPASSING laws are in full effect..."
End rant. Back to life.
I (kinda) apologize to the blog followers who cheer for our happy ending but witness this bullshyt on the way...
4 comments:
hmm... seems like old boy is well on his way to becoming a cynical old man and you'd be wise to adjust your relationship settings as well. One of the big questions in many lives is why do we claim to avoid toxic people but always make room for people who are the most toxic of them all?
There is always an excuse... mine is 'oh, but see, they are my sisters and they are family', even though they took my ex wife's side and hated on me WITH her. Never mind her jumpin on me or dissing how I went about trying to care for 'our' family. And that is only ONE example and the clearest I care to discuss openly.
If they were a friend or running partner who was down on me over my handling of my marriage, would I have kept allowing that person in my life? They are toxic and being destructive in my life. However it is that I feel they inflict harm on me, how do I justify their being a part of my life?
People make you feel guilty for doing what you feel is best for you. No matter what, whether it is someone you love or family, I think you owe it to yourself to make and answer decisions on what makes logical sense.
Trust me, when it comes to 'cats and kittens', cats are willing to manipulate the empathy that the kittens have for them. Doesn't matter that you can't see how the relationship is acting like malicious spyware on your computer, but unlike malicious hardward, you can solve this problem without a geek squad.
It is all up to you. Period.
The reason that I tell myself as to why I find myself involved with my sisters is that it sounds ugly. Yeah, I feel I was a wonderful big brother to them. But they did not return the sibling love. So off with their heads and throw their bodies into the pile. I already had a sucky life with them in it... lets see what kind of life I will have with them out of it.
Same thing for you and His Side. I don't think that his reading this is going to make ANY DIFFERENCE AT ALL. You are the one who better recognize all the joy sapping that he is doing to you and you need to weigh the potential of what life could be without him as well as what life is with him.
Were it about how fond you are of each other, then things would be scocious and y'all would be making things work. Remember, there IS a reason y'all ain't together now, and if you ask me, and you seem to only be able to verify what you already know... it ain't him.
Self discovery is exactly that... self discovery. He has to find out what it is on his own.
Be honest... are you that unsure about being alone and without someone in your life..? Because that is what it comes down to for many people and I happen to think that women are more inclined to worry about being alone and then faking the funk about it. Not admitting to having the fear of loneliness won't make things go away.
But can it be any worse than the how your stomach feels when you have to listen to that mess? And even in your 'defense', you know you are half hearted, preferring to sit there and ride out his seeping, oozing bitterness to form a noxious cloud around you. It hasn't gotten to you quite yet, but it will.
No, you didn't ask me. But not only did you put this out here, I did sleep at a Holiday Inn Express recently, so I think I know every damn thing!! It is better to bail on him too soon and look at how he grown that it is to feel you let him hang around until it was too late.
yeah I really like this post.... it took a lot to write all of that and to me it just means that you're fed up... I get it... I hope the person this post is intended for gets it as well.
Oh my! I'm not sure I could have said it any better. You've amply proven your point and for him to take offense would only further prove the point you've made.
It's sad that those who have no reason to throw stones, tend to throw them hard and long never once considering the collateral damage of the impact.
I've got bail money should he find himself stupid enough trespass! *giggle*
That was some day, y'all. I could feel the frustration crawling up my neck.
Days later, we had a conversation. I located the NonViolent Communication literature. He spent an entire day using the NVC method to communicate and cope.
Damned if he didn't say, "OMG. That feels so much BETTER." He looked relieved that there was actually a way to communicate with somebody without leaving the "loser" dead in the street.
We had a refreshingly revealing conversation about his socialization. Joining the military at age 16 - to get away from an abusive stepfather - means he spent a lifetime learning all the most violent ways to communicate.
He seemed relieved there was actually an option that felt GOOD to use, and darned if he hasn't stayed in that lane.
I have no idea with the future holds. I almost snorted Vitamin Water out of my nose when Mark informed me of his "Holiday Inn Express stay!" Too funny.
Alone doesn't scare me. I was a single mother most of my adult life. I hate sharing the remote and I have a low tolerance for stuff in my personal space. But I honestly do peiodic assessments to make sure fear isn't guiding my decisions. So far so good. hehe
His Side has grown a LOT, but he can relapse with the best of 'em. To date, there's no cost/benefit analysis that say's he's fit for discarding. There's just too much obvious love flowing in both directions. :-)
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