I didn't start my response to Heidi as commentary on relationships, but the end product mentions "letting go," which is something we don't do well when it comes to friends and lovers. Once I was done basically blogging in her comments, I decided to share my rambling here.
Enjoy.
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Warning… I think I’m feeling philosophical again. lolFear is a useful and necessary emotion. It helps us to preserve life in the face of danger. It’s the meter that lets us know we’re in danger in the first place!
When left unchecked, fear can rule in our efforts to preserve more than life and limb… Preserve our pre-conceived notions…. Preserve our expectations… Preserve the control we want to have over the random things of life. This unchecked fear is a misuse and abuse of the proper function for fear, and I believe we have a choice in letting fear out of the cage… or not.
I may not be the best advisor here, because I fight with fear in many forms… most notably… fear of failure and fear of what others, mostly mom, think of me.
BUT, whenever I can dance to a small victory over fear, I can say faith was my fighting buddy. Whether it is faith in God’s benevolence, karma, or the way the universe always seeks a level – I believe I am always where I should be. If a job falls through… that means something better is coming. If a friendship fails, I can accept that his/her precious role in my life came to an end.
In doing this, I find that there are no “bad” situations. Just learning experiences – many of which reveal the lesson as time goes on. In times where faith fails, I tap my own reserve tank with one reality: Allowing a situation to steal my joy is like sticking a knife in an open wound. I become the force making the situation much worse than it should be — which makes me the author of unnecessary additional suffering.
The rare times I want to wallow and let joy chill on ice… well… those times don’t last long. There’s nothing like feeling the power of letting something go.
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How do you battle, win, and/or lose against fear?
7 comments:
When it comes to talking about fear, I seem to have run out of gas. There isn't a real recollection about being overcome with fear, not since my Mom locked me out of her room with all the lights off at night with spooky Halloween music playing on the record player.
After that, I stopped having 'fear'. Or maybe I should say 'being scared'. Right now, I don't feel up to parsing words and definitions, so lets just say that was the last time I knew fear.
From being the only other non-fabric item in a hockey game (the puck is still black), to getting in the ring with someone YOU KNOW is going to kick your a$$, along with jumping out of helicopters, I can't tell you what fear is.
Or couldn't. I don't have any memories of being as scared as I am right now. Each day I am living an out of body experience and I compare it to times where I SHOULD have been scared but wasn't. After all, being scared will get you F*CKED UP, so if I am still scared, I won't go anywhere.
Okay sugar, you are pretty AND smart... so you tell me wh-- aw, who am I kidding? I won't listen anyway!!
aahhh, yessss! this is TRUTH.
but so many people get stuck on the "how to's" of life. and one of the many is how to let go...
so how? by defining 'letting go' for yourself, by standing on faith - either in God, a higher power, the universe, or all three, and most definitely YOURSELF, and then... by just DOING IT.
thanks for this post.
Mark... darned you for finding another hidden point in my original point. You always make me wanna go back and blog a Part II. lol
I love the way you differentiate between "being scared" and having "fear." I do believe there's an important difference, even if you didn't mean to go there.
I believe "scared" happens in a moment, and can be attributed to a very specific circumstance (like darkness and Halloween music). But living in fear is more about cringing at the possibilities - whether the threat is real or imagined (e.g. changing behavior to avoid the potential for somebody's criticism).
That's all my brain can handle on that one right now. You may see another blog post that I can blame... I mean credit... you for. :-)
Hey Princess!
Thanks for stopping by and chiming in. Judging from your profile, you have every reason to experience fears in your life, but you have a strong voice that I admire and celebrate.
Gonna spend some time visiting the blogs today, right after I actually get some work done. lol
Fear. The trick for me is to recognize when I am in the fear mode. I am rarley scared of anything. But fear is different...it whispers seductively--- you can't, you shouldn't, your not good, thin, smart enough and sometimes you believe the fear. That's what stops us all from living our very best lives. Those that beat back their fears live strong!
You are fabulous!
What an amazing topic. In my experiences, I've found that allowing fear to take up any amount of residency in my life has caused my harm than good. Fear held me hostage in a terminally ill relationship knowing that life support was no longer an option and I needed to pull the plug. It masked itself in quick fixes and clung to me like new skin. It weight was light as a rock and that's how it managed to get away with being present so long.
When I finally got some rehab for my obvious malady, I used said fear as a propellant to for my much needed growth; refusing to allow myself to be in such a position again. I put on my Ninja suit and kicked fear's ass and sent him packing. He was not longer going to live rent free at my experience.
While fear may have it's purpose to some, I can not let it have a purpose for me. Yes, there are things that make me nervous or uneasy, but I'm not fearful. Hell, I've met death or the perception thereof head on (literally as a result of what should have been a fatal car accident) and when I went through breast cancer.
I give no credence to fear. It can not and will not make me feel less than, inadequate, or weak. I'm human and I may worry, ponder, and as I said, get nervous, but again; I can't call myself a believer and yet have no faith. I trust that whatever experience I have, I will come through it with a story or lesson learned; if not a testimony.
@Blu: You introduce a point we all missed: Facing big threats (like almost-fatal car accidents and breast cancer) is a huge remedy for fear - especially when you win like a CHAMP!
You have learned through the thick that there is amazing life on the other side of fearful threats. That's why you're one of my heroes - and why my heart celebrates your life.
I am just sick that mundane things keep stealing my Thai and red wine. I am in desperate need of the girlie time we crave!
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